Mako (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
imresponsible) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
noondayclock2012-06-26 03:14 pm
imresponsible) wrote in noondayclock2012-06-26 03:14 pm
(no subject)
[ It had been a few days since they'd come back to the water tribe, and Korra's bending remained unrestored. She wasn't as angry as she had been the first day, and it was clear something had happened. Katara had informed the rest of them, her link to the elements had been restored.
However, the bending wasn't just coming to her the way it used to. She was struggling with the elements she had long since mastered, and something like that couldn't be easy for her. For a girl that could effortlessly switch from shoving aside a bolder, to snapping a whip of water and finishing with a blaze of fire it had to be frustrating that now she was struggling to do more than push and pull water in the first place.
Mako is sitting a ways back, watching her try to relearn the very basics, a small frown on his face. ]
However, the bending wasn't just coming to her the way it used to. She was struggling with the elements she had long since mastered, and something like that couldn't be easy for her. For a girl that could effortlessly switch from shoving aside a bolder, to snapping a whip of water and finishing with a blaze of fire it had to be frustrating that now she was struggling to do more than push and pull water in the first place.
Mako is sitting a ways back, watching her try to relearn the very basics, a small frown on his face. ]
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It used to be as easy as breathing, ever since she was four. Water came first, Earth second, and Fire rounded it out nicely, she'd always had all three and excelled at each of them. All but airbending. It had only come to her in her desperation- and as desperate as she is now, she's still not any good at it. Patience, calm, level headedness- It's not who she is.
But when she can't even muster up enough of her bending to crystallize the moisture of her breath in the air- She doesn't really know what she is any more. But Korra is trying, probably with more honest effort than she's expending on anything that wasn't probending or Amon before. She breathes in through her mouth, exhales through her nose, soft and slow.
Once she feels more calm, she lifts her hands, and tries for the fifth time to lift a small pocket of water. She can't get it any higher than her knee, but she counts it as a small success, and sweeps her arms, careful to keep them moving fluid. It swings left a little, before it vibrates and falls too pieces despite her efforts to contain it.
She fists her hands in her pants, and tries to ignore Mako's presence behind her] That was pathetic!
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And now... this.
Still, if you took into account she was starting over from the very beginning, that kind of progress so soon was impressive. He hadn't been any faster when he'd started bending as a child, and he vividly remembered Bolin's first attempts and could safely say Korra was making a lot more progress than they had. He also never had to relearn how to do it though, and could only imagine how frustrating this must be for her.
Still, he didn't want her giving up this soon, especially when she was making progress. So he speaks up so she can hear him. ]
You're doing well, Korra.
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Except it's completely humiliating. They've only ever seen her at her best, in the probending arena, when she'd already mastered everything. To struggle at this like a toddler- Which leads her to being two parts irrationally angry at him. While she would never, ever begrudge Mako his bending, the small, ugly part of her was jealous. She wanted to call fire in the effortless, powerful manner he always had. It wasn't fair that she could save him, that she could give Lin back her bending and there wasn't anyone to snap their fingers and fix her.
She's one part guilty and confused, because she shouldn't be thinking like this, and she can't understand why, that when Mako takes the brunt of her lashing out in anger, saying horrible, cruel things, he just won't quit. He sees her at her worst, with the tears and the weakness of fear, and he won't stop coming back. Even the times that make her think, terrifyingly, that she's finally managed to push him away, the moment never comes.
Right now? The soft encouragement on top of her mounting frustration jumps her back to the feeling of unfairness]
I don't need you to lie to me. I'm doing worse than a beginner!
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Part of it was the sick feeling someone got when they saw something awful happen to someone they care about, and wanting nothing more than to get up and save them and make sure they were okay. If he was being completely honest with himself, however, part of it was also fear for himself. He hadn't wanted to lose what he'd worked so hard to master.
And Korra had... So when she turns around and yells at him for trying to encourage her he tries to be understanding. He doesn't get angry at her, even if it's not fair for her to misplace her anger and frustration onto him, because he's felt that fear and he while he'll never fully understand, he does know.
He sighs and stands up, not making any moves towards her though. ]
I'm not lying. You're making huge improvements. At this rate you'll have your waterbending back in no time.
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[She turns around quickly, alarmed by the outburst, and wishing she could swallow the words back, now that they hang heavy in the air between them. There's a large part of her that doubts it will ever come back, that she'll never amount to more than the basics. Someone who could have been great, could have changed the world...Dissolving into nothing more than an embarrassment, a failure, left to lick her wounds and hide in the South Pole forever.
But underneath everything, she's just as terrified, maybe even more so, to find she'll learn, but she'll never be like before. She'll just be a shadow of her former potential, will always struggle a little. Will always have to work at it and will never again be effortless, natural. It will no longer be apart of her, it's a tool she has to grasp. She's afraid of waking up to the day she finds out that Amon has marked her, changed her forever in some invisible way beneath her skin that she'll never be able to dig out or find, will never be without.
She doesn't know how to explain it, or how to tell him her frustrations, or doesn't know how to say she can't let go. Just like she doesn't know how to tell him she appreciates his quiet, constant strength that's there whenever she needs it, steady like an earthbender should be. Or how she's grateful for Bolin's cheerful persona and arsenal of jokes that have her laughing until she's breathless, or soft, calming, logical Asami.
Korra has never excelled at anything but conflict, and she curls closer to the water, exhales a sigh]
Some improvement. I can't even hold the water together long enough to move it. I did the same thing two days ago.
[Yesterday, she couldn't even move the water at all. Maybe the connection is temporary, will wane if she can't master it immediately. No one has the answers, and Aang won't speak to her any more. Everything for the first time in a long time, feels bleak]
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It kills him to see her like this, to see her so angry and down about her own talents. Korra might not believe that her bending will ever come back to her the way it used to, but Mako has faith. He knows how strong she is, both in terms of physical capabilities and more importantly how strong she is as a person. He knows she won't give up on this, even if she stumbles she's stronger than that. He's not worried that it's going to end like this, but he is worried about how hard this might be on her. She needs support, she needs people there for her to make sure she doesn't have any moment where she even considers giving up on relearning her bending.
So he'll do whatever he can, and if all he can do is yell out cliches about how much she's improving and sit with her doing this, or be there for her to yell at when she's angry, then he'll do it. As much as it hurts him to see her like this, he's pretty sure it hurts her more to be seen this way.
Mako stares down at the water, debating what tips to offer, or how to help. He doesn't know a lot about water bending, other than it's not fire bending and the movement for it is nothing alike. So as far as techniques go? He's got nothing.
He squats down next to the water, pulls one glove off and dips his fingers in and almost instantly regrets it. The water is freezing cold, and he'll probably need to dry his hand off before putting it back in the glove if he wants it to actually warm up. He ignores it for now though, and shifts his hand around in the water, trying to get a feel for how it moves and glides. He's not in touch with the element, and he never will be, but this little exercise put into conjuncture with his memories of how most water benders move when using the art does help some.
He doesn't do it for long though, jerking his hand out of the water quickly and rubbing his other, still gloved hand over his fingers. ]
And you did the same thing five days before that. It is an improvement, Korra. The more you work at it, the faster this is all coming back to you.
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Once she can feel his arm against her shoulder, the side of his knee against the joint of her wrist, drawing strength from his presence, even as she beats herself up internally for the weakness, she chances a small apologetic smile]
Careful, Cool Guy, or you'll get frost bite and then where will you be? I can't even heal.
[The nickname is soft spoken, something she's only used once before. Back when she had first met him, and been in awe of his probending skills, back when he was just that firebender who drove her crazy and they had to search for Bolin. Back when Amon was a threat that meant nothing to her. Before she'd learned to be afraid.
It feels strange to miss it, when she doesn't want to go back to a time when she didn't know any of them at all. She feels a measure of guilt, and it soothes her temper at his next bout of encouragement. He took her help that time with more grace than she's ever afforded him.
She doesn't know what's wrong with her]
You have a lot of faith in me. It doesn't feel like anything's different, I'm working really hard at it! I practice- It's hours Mako and- It's like airbending all over again. [It took her sixteen years to even be able to bend it at all, and for all his faith in her abilities, she wonders if she's ended up disappointing him. Like she's done with the rest of the world.
No one had use for an Avatar that couldn't bend]
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Mako tries to smile back at her when she leans against him, glad she's at least accepting him there, if nothing else. He's not feeling like he's doing much to help right now, there's got to be more he can do to make her feel better, but he just can't think of what.
Nothing other than sit here and listen to her, and keep trying to reassure her that is. ]
And look at you now. Your airbending was strong enough to save us both from Amon. You'll get this. I know you will.
[ If there's one thing she never has to worry about, it's Mako being disappointed in her. The only way she could disappoint him is if she gave up on herself. ]